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Cycle Eight, Down the Hatch

on June 9, 2013

Today marks another cycle ending, courtesy of my period crashing the party. I haven’t had my cry yet really. A few tears, but not the real good cry I know i will probably have tomorrow when she goes into full swing.

A bit of a back story…

In November of 12 I went of birth control. I told my husband it would take a few cycles for everything to start functioning as normal, which would put us on track for starting to really ‘try’ after the new year as we had been planning. The new year came and went, and after three months I was feeling a little less than confident. I purchased ovulation predictor kits and downloaded an app to track my cycle. I researched online and found out most people get pregnant within 6 months. So we were still okay. After 5 months I decided to start charting my basal body temperature (which I had swore I wouldn’t be desperate enough to do until after a year – but then again I really didn’t think it would take 6 months). After a few months of charting I have diagnosed myself with a Luteal Phase Defect because the time between ovulation and my period starting is about9-10 days. My husband had a semen analysis done and it was normal, wonderful even. So we know it’s me. Reproductive Endocrinologists (RE) won’t really see you until it’s been a year, so I turned to a more natural approach of acupuncture. I saw her three times this cycle and I felt really positive, hopeful, and much more relaxed. That is until today when I started spotting and cramping, sure signs that AF (aunt flo) will arrive tomorrow. I am only 9 days past ovulation, so not only did my luteal phase not increase, it’s down a day from last month. I am giving acupuncture 3 months as recommended, and then I will try to get an RE to see me at ten months with no success.

So, I am just feeling really frustrated and looking for an outlet. My best friend is pregnant, and it is tough on our relationship because she doesn’t know really what I am going through, and I don’t know what she’s going through, so it’s hard for us to be there for one another. The last thing I need is someone complaining about their pregnancy when I want one so badly, and I also don’t want to make her feel guilty for having an easier time with it.

I’m not sure anyone will ever read this, but it will at least be a place to put it all down. So much of it just lives inside my head. I know a lot of people go through this, but no one talks about it. My husband is as supportive as he can be, but he isn’t really concerned and doesn’t think about it all the time like I do.

So maybe tomorrow after I have my cry and my consolatory bottle of wine, I will share more. Thanks for listening, internets.

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