No Bun In This Oven

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Why we aren’t doing IVF

on November 5, 2013

The husband and I decided this summer, when we were just starting to see the RE, that we don’t want to do IVF. From all the blogs I’ve read and forums I’ve visited, this seems like an uncommon choice so I wanted to take some time to explain why. Let me preface this by saying that I have nothing against IVF and if I were filthy rich I might just do it. It just isn’t the right choice for us. There are a few main factors:

1. money
We don’t have a ton of it. We are not living paycheck to paycheck (anymore) and we’d like to keep it that way. I worry that IVF wouldn’t work and we’d be so in debt from it that adoption would have to be postponed for several years. My completely logical mind says “we could spend $15 k (or more for multiple cycles) on the chance of having a biological child, or we could spend 25k for the almost guarantee that we will be parents.” I guess the fear of ending up with no child is enough to deter me from the risk. Each IUI will cost about $400 and when you combine that with my other meds and other things I’ve tried, we’ll have spent about $3,000 trying to get pregnant. Those of you in the know, know that that is practically nothing in the way of IF treatments. But domestic adoption is about 25-30k so we will need to save our dollars.

2. we have no reason to think it will work
My infertility is unexplained. We are doing IUI because my RE doesn’t know what else to do. I think if there were MFI (make factor infertility) or an egg quality issue that IVF is known to circumvent, I would be more willing to try. But maybe my problem is that embryos aren’t implanting, in which case IVF won’t help. I feel like we’d just be saying “hmm, I don’t know what’s wrong, so let’s just throw some hormones and money at it and hope something works.” Another risk I’m not ready to take.

3. We aren’t dead set on a bio child
We have always wanted to adopt. Giving a child a safe happy home who may have otherwise been shuffled between foster homes is an amazing thing, and something I want to do whether I can conceive or not. We just always thought we’d have a bio child first, and adopt later. I do want to have a child that I can see myself and The Husband in, and I really want to experience pregnancy. These are definitely real, strong desires. But I think a lot of other people, and especially a lot of other husbands, want a bio child so badly that they are willing to go to any length, and adoption is an undesirable plan B. I don’t judge those people for feeling how they feel, it’s just not how we feel.

4. injections and mood swings, oh my!
I put this last for a reason. If I really had a good reason to think IVF would work, I would be willing to go through the Lupron crazies and belly swelling bonanza. But I don’t, so I’m not. So much respect and admiration for all that do, multiple times for that matter. You are stronger than I.

So there you have it. I of course do reserve the right to change my mind later, because we all know when it comes to infertility, things that seemed crazy in the beginning suddenly become valid options when you’re at the end of your rope.

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4 responses to “Why we aren’t doing IVF

  1. I always thought (before I knew I would be an IFer) that I would adopt if I wasn’t able to have my own child for some reason. Now that I’m in that situation, I want to try, even IVF, before looking into adoption. We all have and can have our reasons for doing what we do, I hope everything works out for you! I haven’t done IVF yet but done a medicated cycle with IVF meds and they’re not fun. NOT AT ALL. I completely agree with your reason #4.

    • InfertileMyrtle says:

      Thanks for stopping by! It really is such a personal choice and journey, there’s just no “right” way to do it! Good luck to you!

  2. Katie says:

    I’ve always thought that if we were to ever decide for/against IVF, I would definitely not do it if I couldn’t at least afford two cycles (still on the fence about doing it at all because I agree with all your other points as well). The idea of saving all the money and knowing you’ve only got one shot sounds like way too much pressure that you’re almost assured a failure. Your reasons sound very thought out and logical.

    • InfertileMyrtle says:

      Thanks Katie. Lately my ‘logical’ side is driving, but I am fully aware that ’emotional’ is in the backseat ready to take the wheel at any time 🙂

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