No Bun In This Oven

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Oh Noes!

on November 20, 2013

It just occurred to me that due to the mixed crowd at Thanksgiving this year, I might get the dreaded “when are you going to hurry up and have a baby?!” If this cycle is a bust, it will literally be the day after by BFN, so I’m sure I will be a bit touchy. Nothing to do really except be prepared. I did find an article on Mommyish for folks who just aren’t ready for kids fielding these questions, and it seemed like it could work for us too. It was hilarious.

These were their ideas on how to respond when someone asks about your plans to have children (edited for infertiles):

1. Surprise them by responding with a similarly personal question,  such as: “Do you wax?” “How much do you get paid?” “What  absorbency do you use, tampon-wise?”

2. Offer a bizarre fact in order to enrich their lives. “Crows recognize human faces and hold grudges.” “China is currently building  a car-free city.” “You are being exceptionally rude by continuing to pester  me about my reproductive choices  status.”

3. Have a prepared line. Options: “I’m not sure when! But  I’m sure my mom will call you screaming.” “I’m not sure when! But I’m sure my  partner will put one in me sometime in the next twenty years.” “I’m not sure  when! But I’m sure you’ll maybe find out somehow. I don’t really care.”

4. You can make up an excuse and simply walk away. “Excuse me for a moment, my mom is frantically waving an EPI pen I have to make  sure she injects the right person.” “Excuse me for a moment, but it would  appear that the only two Republicans here have found each other and I must go  remind them about Obamacare.” “Excuse me for a moment, I must go  self-immolate.”

4a. Or, you might try moonwalking away, for a bit of holiday  whimsy.

5. Be direct and honest. Just shut it the hell down. “I’m not pregnant right now  not planning to have children for a while, and that’s all I’ve got to say about  it.”

Now, moonwalk your way over to your partner (who, if he’s a dude, almost  certainly hasn’t been asked the same thing) and instruct him to make you a stiff  drink.

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2 responses to “Oh Noes!

  1. Jen says:

    Lol, thanks for this post! I’m worried about it too!!

  2. megsnyc says:

    Visiting from ICLW. I always wondered what to do in this situation – I usually stuttered and offered a lame excuse. But I prefer all of your options, particularly the random, unrelated facts.

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