No Bun In This Oven

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Infertility Jam – Stop For Me

on December 5, 2013

Today my coworker, the one who has probably taken the most interest in my baby quest, was asking about my January IUI. I was explaining what meds I take and that I have to have a follicle counting ultrasound then take OPKs until I get a positive. She was like “wow, that’s so complicated, good thing you’re so smart!” That made me laugh so freaking much, on the inside of course. Her brother and his wife have two kids conceived with IVF, but she must not have a clue about all the meds and scheduling involved there, or even an IUI with injectables. She also said that she has a ‘really good feeling’ about the January IUI. She said something like:

“I was driving home from work and I was really tired, and suddenly I just thought of you and your January IUI and I had this really good feeling, like it will work. I’m not one of those people who gets feelings about things all the time so I really think it means something”

She is very sweet, and I know she really wants this for me, but how many times have people said “I have a really good feeling about this cycle”? Whether it’s an IFer saying it to herself, or a hopeful friend or family member, we hear and think this all the time. I get that others have hopes maybe even as high as ours. This is part of why it’s so hard to tell people about a failed cycle. Not only do you feel sad and disappointed yourself, but people who care about you and have such high hopes are so disappointed. It was nice of her to say, but I don’t have any big pie in the sky ideas about January. Even though I’ve always wanted an October baby, and that’s the only month I could make one. That doesn’t mean anything! It’s so hard to stop your brain from going there though.

So my newest infertility jam, which I have been totally obsessed with, is ‘Stop for Me” by Carolyn Dawn Johnson. Another country song, I know! Those country chicks know how to reach an infertile girl. This one may have touched me even more than “I would die for that” because it’s not so literal. I have no idea what this song is about, but it fits the feelings of infertility so perfectly. I have found myself listening to it everyday and tearing up at how powerful the lyrics are. My favorite verse:

But nobody mentioned
ohhh sometimes all the passenger seats are taken
The cars are full and it’s a rude awakening
When you’re left behind
So disappointed… yeah
I never even got to try
Instead of living in the moment
I’ve been wasting all this time

Sitting on a suitcase
Crossing fingers counting the days til it arrived
Ohhh I was sure that it was coming
But somehow it just passed me by
Oh how could I be so naive
Well I always thought this train would stop for me





2 responses to “Infertility Jam – Stop For Me

  1. Jen says:

    Thanks for sharing, what a beautiful song! I just downloaded it from iTunes and I’m currently jamming out to it!

  2. Christina says:

    It really is a beautiful song!

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