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Information Overload

on January 28, 2014

I’ve got so much goin on in this brain, chicks. Considerations about our next step in infertility treatments, my job. Okay that’s just two things but they feel like a lot in my head.

The Husband continues to amaze me with how he’s stepping up lately and being really involved in this process. He is reading a book called “how to make love to a paper cup” and apparently had no problem taking it to work and reading it openly at his desk. This led to some curiosity from his coworkers, and he shared that we’re struggling with infertility and considering our options. One of them mentioned that a guy who works for the same company but at another location has two kids that are adopted and that The Husband should talk to him about it. He emailed him and they arranged to get coffee Saturday morning.

I did not attend this meet up, but the lowdown was that this guy and his wife had a miscarriage (maybe multiple) and adopted because they couldn’t take the heartbreak of more losses. They conceived naturally a couple years later and had a bio child. Then they adopted again in 2010. Both their adoptions are international. He also gave us the email address of another couple they know who had a child adopted domestically, and suggested we reach out (I emailed but haven’t heard back yet).

That night we had another conversation about where to go from here. He said that after talking with the coworker, he is leaning more towards adoption again. Jeff (the coworker) volunteered that the way he feels about his adopted kids and his bio kids is not different; he loves them exactly the same. I think this was good for the husband to hear. Right now we are just waiting for IUI #3 (which will be on Feb 5th) and then we have a follow up appointment on February 26 to talk about what to try next. This is assuming the IUI doesn’t work. I know that it’s horrible, but I really feel it won’t work and I feel like I’m just doing it as a matter of course. Like we have to do 3 IUIs before we know we need to move forward. I have been drinking wine daily (a glass or two) and not really worrying about doing things perfectly. I just can’t bring myself to restrict and worry and think I have any control over it, because I don’t. I am still taking clomid, I have my appointment set up for monitoring and trigger shot. I’ve made all the arrangements, I’m just not invested.

The plan right now is to meet with the RE and talk about IVF; the cost, the success rates, shared risk plans. Just gather info. Then we will visit an agency that does domestic adoptions, and an agency that does international, and also gather information from both of those. Then we have to decide. I had sort of already decided on domestic adoption previously, mostly because children available internationally are usually older than a year. But now I’m just trying to be really open to all possibilities and look at each with new eyes. I have to say, though, that every time I look at international adoption I just feel so overwhelmed. I still think domestic adoption is what I will choose (who knows what The Husband will feel drawn to) but we’ll see. So that’s got my head spinning.

Then I find out today that a supervisor in my department may be giving notice soon, which means the position would be available. I was thisclose to getting it last time, and I don’t want to pass up the opportunity. But if we are going to do IVF, I know it would be a really bad idea to take on this new position and all the stress. I feel like it would be a disaster waiting to happen. So now I feel like I need to decide really quickly what path we’re going to take so I know if i should apply or not. TOO MUCH STUFF.

Okay now just me and the wine. My best friend.

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6 responses to “Information Overload

  1. Look into direct placement adoption as well. I’m not sure of the wait times, or cost–but you work exclusively with an adoption attorney. No agency involvement at all. Just another avenue you may have over looked.

    • Mallory says:

      I’ve heard a bit about that and will definitely have to look into it more. I think when you use an attorney you kind of have to advertise yourselves quite a bit and I’m not sure how I feel about that. But I will explore all the options!

  2. Wow, lot’s going on. That’s awesome that your hubs is totally open and comfortable with everything that’s going on. Mine is supportive, but I mostly have to take the lead with everything. I am really curious to hear what you learn about all of your different options! Also, I’ve nominated you for a Liebster Award http://infertilegirlinafertileworld.wordpress.com/2014/01/29/liebster-award/

  3. megsnyc says:

    I can relate – I remember trying to decide whether or not to buy a new couch for our apartment and believe it or not, whether or not we would be having a baby via IUI, IVF, or adoption actually played a role in our decision-making. It made me so angry that infertility could impact a decision as dumb as buying a new couch. I would say that, at least as far as the job is concerned, if you want this job, if it’s something you really want, just go for it. Don’t feel like you have to rush a decision on whether to do adoption or IVF, or even feel like you can only make once decision and then not change your mind.

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