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Why I Want To Be A Parent

on February 5, 2014

I had my third, and likely last, IUI this morning. But I don’t want to talk about today. It went okay, it’s just not what’s got me thinking at the moment.

I just started reading a book called “Adoption: sound choices, strong families” by Patricia something…I’m blogging from my phone and too lazy to link for you. Google it. In the beginning, it’s talking about how to know if adoption is right for you. It basically says your most overarching desire has to be just being a parent, not being pregnant or carrying on your bloodline or seeing your partner in your child. Because of all the things you lose to infertility; lineage, pregnancy and birth, being a parent; the being a parent part is the only one adoption can fix. So if you need and want more than anything to see your families genes live on, this may not be a good fit.

A very valid point, and one I’ve considered. I already came to the conclusion that I just want to be a parent and while I want the other things too, they’re secondary. But this morning I was thinking about why I want to be a mom.

People want and expect all kinds of different things from the parenting experience. Some are selfish, some are silly, some are honorable. Some people have never felt loved and needed and want a child to give them that. Some people had a horrible childhood and want a chance to do something different. I have some friends, a couple, who both have/had bad relationships with distant fathers who were never there for them. Now they have a baby and it’s an opportunity to give this child what they never had; two loving parents who will always be there for her. That’s big.

I think what makes me want to be a parent is the relationship I have with my own parents. Far from being perfect, they have both struggled with addiction and overcome it, fought for their marriage, and still see themselves as works in progress. My parents have always been real people to me, with faults and problems of their own. They never claimed there was one correct way to live your life. They encouraged taking risks and thinking for yourself, and I always knew they’d be there for me no matter what. As an adult, they are both friends and confidantes to me and I can talk to them about anything. I feel like the way my parents raised me and relate to me is such a huge gift. Who I am and my confidence in myself and my independence are a result of them.

When I picture being a mom I think about the baby and toddler years, to be sure, but I think so much about my kids as Tweens and teens and young adults. I think about how I will make myself as available and accepting as my parents were/are to me. What I want more than anything is to give that gift to my child.

I know I’ll get the chance. I just don’t know the when or how.

Those are just the thoughts in my head today.

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8 responses to “Why I Want To Be A Parent

  1. Before I met my husband and started ttc, I thought adoption was “simple” and a “sure thing” and it seemed like a cool option to fulfill my dream of motherhood, but now I’m not sure–but glad it remains an option. Best wishes for IUI #3! XO

    • Mallory says:

      Oh yes I’ve done my research and it’s definitely not anything like what most people think it is. The time it takes and the uncertainty are part of why we’re still also considering IVF. The process aside, the actual being a parent of an adopted child part I think I could do well.

  2. Susan says:

    Her comment of needing to parent instead of being pregnant, lineage etc. is so true! Pregnancy is fleeting–9 months vs a life time of parenting. Lineage–after awhile the line becomes so blurred with marriages etc. and in a few generations no one remembers “YOU” I may have to give this book a read.

    What ever path you take, it will be the right one for you–though I’m hoping that the 3rd time was the charm for your IUI. Hugs.

    • Mallory says:

      I totally don’t fault anyone who does have a really really strong desire for a bio child, that’s a legitimate feeling, but just not one I have. I have only read a tiny bit of the book and I’m very impressed with it!

  3. Kitten says:

    That’s really lovely!

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