No Bun In This Oven

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Fork In The Road

on March 6, 2014

Well, nothing really has changed since my last post. The Husband and I haven’t even discussed IVF vs adoption since the appointment. I think this is probably a good thing, since we’re both just sort of marinating on our options and waiting until we have the appointment at the adoption agency before even going over our options again.

But something did happen that changes things a little/probably means we’ll be pushing pause for a little while. I got a promotion at work. The one that is being vacated by the girl who got married in December and pregnant in January. There was a really intense moment in the second interview (which the girl who is leaving was not involved in) where they asked me a question about how I would handle a situation where I had negative feelings about a coworker. So I just decided so come out with it and tell them that I really struggle with my feelings towards the girl who’s leaving, and that I know that my feelings really having nothing to do with her and are all about me, so I work really hard not to let her feel negativity from me. One of them asked me if I knew why I had those feelings, and once again I decided to be honest and said “because she’s pregnant and I can’t get pregnant, and it’s really difficult to talk to her, especially when she mentions her pregnancy. But I understand that it’s not her fault and it’s not fair to her if I treat her differently because of it so I have to remind myself every day that she’s a very nice person and I should treat her that way.” I was a little worried that I totally botched it, but i do know that one of the things they look for in managers is that they trust the other managers and can be open and honest, so I was hoping that I just demonstrated that. It must have worked, because they offered me the position.

I will get paid more, about $400 a month more, which means we will be able to save more for whatever option we do choose. But it also means that I will be really stressed out taking on way more responsibility and learning a ton of new things, and most definitely not in a position to be adding the stress of IVF anytime soon, and maybe not adoption either. I definitely think it would be unwise as a new manager to be all jacked up on hormones and discovering how they affect me. I just think I will need to wait until I have a handle on my new role before adding more to the mix.

I’m hoping that I’ll be so distracted and involved with all this that I won’t feel tortured by having to put things on hold. And I’m hoping that either IVF or adoption becomes a more clear option to both myself and the husband so neither of us feels like we’re settling, But that all seems like a lot to ask. Right now I don’t feel the pain and ache of my childlessness. Does anyone else have times where all they think about is being a mom and the pain of it is so acute all the time, and then other times where you forget you’re infertile and it just feels like you’re a normal person just living your life? I’m just afraid of when the ache and pain will return in full force and knock me on my ass.

My best friend asked me the other day if we had considered “putting ourselves on some adoption waiting lists” while we figure things out. I know that i know way more about IF treatments and adoption than the average jane, but I’m still blown away sometimes at how little others know. I educated her about how you have to pay agency fees, do a homestudy, get your medical clearance ,etc etc before you can “get on a waiting list” and be shown to expectant parents. Though most of the cost comes at the time of placement, most of the legwork has to be done before you can even be shown. She obviously didn’t know that….now she does.

So now I’m just going to sit back and wait for the inevitable surprise pregnancy that will befall me because we’ve “stopped trying” and I won’t even have time to think about it. Bring it on.

P.S. we’ll never stop trying.


16 responses to “Fork In The Road

  1. Congrats on your promotion! Also, you’re my hero for talking about your infertility in an interview at work! I’ve kept mine very hush-hush at work and I don’t think I’d have the guts to do what you did. That’s incredible!

    • Mallory says:

      Thank you! I’m fortunate that the leadership in my department are all really caring women, so that makes it a lot easier.

  2. Brianna says:

    Congrats on the promotion, but it definitely is a fork in the road. Sending you calming vibes before the meeting with the adoption agency and the beginnings of learning your new duties.

  3. Elisha says:

    Congrats on the promotion and your smart to get a handle in the job before adding more stress. New jobs always stress me out a bit

    • I totally agree! They say new job is one of the biggest, most stressful life moments. But then again, maybe the new work will be a nice thing to focus on instead of infertility, and the raise definitely can’t hurt! Congrats.

    • Mallory says:

      Yes, new jobs are always hard and this one involves WAY more responsibility. Just don’t have room for anything more on my plate!

  4. abwise says:

    Good for you for being totally honest and congrats on your promotion!!!

  5. Susan says:

    Congrats on the promotion!!! I applaud your courage in being honest-I don’t think many could be!!!

  6. “We’ll never stop trying.” – love this.

    Congrats on the promotion. It’s a good thing. 🙂

  7. Jenn says:

    I’m so behind, and trying to catch up! Congrats on the promotion! I am really jealous of how open and honest you are.

    The thing about adoption is hilarious. I have heard that before. They assume you just put your name down and wait. Ummm no.

    • Mallory says:

      It’s not always easy, but I like to think I’m taking one for the team and maybe a fellow infertile will have a better experience because I educated someone. Unfortunately some people are too stupid or ignorant!

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